The 6 Human Needs - Pt 2 Uncertainty/Variety

va·ri·e·ty

vəˈrīədē/

Websters definition: the quality or state of being different or diverse; the absence of uniformity, sameness, or monotony.

Previously we looked at the need for certainty in our lives. Now let's look at uncertainty or variety. All of us need variety and challenges to exercise our minds, our bodies and our emotions. Think about if you've ever been stuck in the same routine day after day. Whether it's a good routine or a bad routine, after a while you consciously or unconsciously start looking for something different.

If you're on an upward path you begin to think about how to increase the challenge for yourself, to make it even more productive or more fulfilling. If you aren't careful though, your unconscious mind can begin to self sabotage. Recognizing that you don't want the same patterns every day and that you want a sense of variety, challenge or adventure...you may end up creating negative events or thoughts in your life rather than constructive ones.

Our need for variety can be met in subtle or extreme ways. You can achieve variety by watching a different TV show than you normally do or by choosing to go skydiving for the first time.

So what does that look like in a relationship? This need in particular can be exercised in ways that feed the relationship and strengthen it...or it can be really destructive. For example...the wife may recognize the husbands' need for variety by occasionally spicing things up with new lingerie or being a little more forward in the bedroom. The husband could meet his wife's need for variety by spontaneously sending her love letters or surprising her with an unexpected spontaneous date night. See the key is recognizing what your own needs are, being able to express those needs clearly and each partner working to meet the needs of their partner.

In using those same examples, if we aren't considering our partners needs...the negative vehicles for meeting our needs can arise. The husband starts to have a wandering eye because he doesn't feel like his wife enjoys their sex life or the wife begins to feel like the husband doesn't love her and becomes distant and cold because he doesn't take the time to be spontaneous and show his affection. Neither partner intends for this to happen, but by not focusing on what their partners needs are...the love and passion they had in the beginning begin to fade away.

Variety IS the spice of life and of a relationship. Recognizing whether your spouse needs to change the TV station or needs to take that next skydiving course is a key factor in making sure that you are meeting each others needs at the highest level. Take the time to think about what you long for. What lights up your partner when you surprise them? These are the little (or big) things that will keep your love alive for years to come!